More Than Outlines

Solitude with coffee and a sketch pad

                On a public tree-shaded deck,

                Outside in heaven and bliss

The barista, always happy, chirps to each

New customer that comes seeking soothing in a cup

Introverted.  Wanting.  Needing center before

Contact and being capable of even fluffsharing

pleasantries

The sketches have dispensed themselves to the pad

                Through the pen

Glancing up, the eye sees outlines of heads and trunks, possible sketches

                Of bodies

It hardly seems fair to do it

These unknowns are beings with their stories, their

                Heartaches, with their public faces on

By sketching only outlines, the soul

                Of these souls, the piece truly desiring to be glimpsed

                Remains elusive;

Outside of an uninvited intrusion

Mother's Day, May 8, 2011

Sitting beside your bed
     listening to your morphine softened breath
never knowing which might be the last.
How many thousands of breaths have there been
          rise and sink
          rise and sink

The scent of baby lotion from the hospital nightstand
     spills out a memory of
     bringing life home from this same place.

And now we are returning you here

That scent will never be the same
     as it was before we began
Letting you go

How to Be Adored

1.       Open your home to a weary hungry soul who’s only known 9-months of life on the end of a chain

2.       Sit still with this scared soul as he learns his new surroundings, learning who’s alpha and who his protector is

3.       Let him teach you to laugh during some rough times when others aren’t around 

4.       Allow lizard swift tongue swipes to target your face with a just-as-quick denial shunning your glance

5.       Spend hundreds of dollars you can’t afford to trying to stop his terrifying epileptic seizures

6.       Clean up his messes of the worst seizures and remind him it’s not his fault; he shouldn’t feel ashamed

7.       Treat him just like the other dogs.  Only a little more special because they know he’s different, too; even the puppies alpha him

8.       Take him to agility lessons to help him focus and to come when he’s called.  Try not to take it personally when he doesn’t

9.       Hold the end of the leash as he takes you for walks

10.   Make exceptions for the “no dogs on the couch” rule, just for him

11.   Worry frantically when he wanders off during a leashless hike and isn’t back by dark.  Despite temptations, don’t punish him when he wanders back all happy and stuff

12.   Keep scratching when he pulls his collapse-a-dog routine at the slightest touch

13.   Know that he really means well when he licks incessantly at all exposed human skin

14.   Try not to yell when you catch him attempting to make off with the Thanksgiving turkey from the counter top

15.   Let him win every race up the stairs; as if you could beat him taking four at a time

16.   Watch for his fuzzy black feet underneath yours.  If you’ve followed all the instructions so far, he’ll always be there

17.   Scratch his fuzzbutt buttchops.  He really likes it

18.   If he turns into a letter C of delight every time you come home, you’re doing it right

19.   Take him to the vet one last time to release him from his struggles although you’ll want to run out the door with him on the leash

20.   Hang his last black collar in your closet (the one with the tinkling name and rabies tags meant to speak for him if he ever needed to get back home).  When you hear that sound you’ll remember how you were adored

Carol's Poem

There WAS safe for me

A time when what I believed

                didn’t need to be questioned,

Wasn’t questioned, I was discouraged from questioning

And all felt well and safe

Now I question what I have been taught,

Not from a place of being lost;

Rather from a place of being aware, newly awake,

questioning in wonder

Wonder at the glacier slabs of ice

falling into the ocean and the earth falling into the

sea of stars above us

expanding onto infinity

We are a speck of dust

and I believe we are important

and loved and the hope that God is

not too busy for me and you

is a real hope

And still all feels well and safe

In a new more real way with new beliefs

and comfort in feeling safe

to question

Full Moon Epigee (3AM Poem)

Nighttime tosses her round glowing head

                From mountain to sea pillow

Just like me in my restless hours

She peeks through my window, waking me

                To keep her company in her full high station

                As she rolls over slowly

                From East to West

Eternally pursuing her sister around the world

Sometimes they embrace in the game of tag

And then before long she moves on

In her endless elliptical chase

Just like me in my restless hours

Crossing the Bridge

There is a flat bladder of bay under the San Rafael / Richmond Bridge

The night is clear and windless and evidence of people in their homes

reflect in yellows and silvers on the smooth bladder skin’s dark surface

If only there was a place to park the car and slow down in that perfect

moment and watch it change to something else as the bay

So often does

Twins

Minutes apart

                Twins came to me:

A long awaited job offer

And her runt sibling

                Thirty minutes later

Dampening the joy with her fragility

Mother’s on the way

                To the hospital